I Need You
by clerky
Summary: A short one shot of what didn't happen the night Clyde died


I Need You

All characters belong to ITV

I wasn't going to upload this but here it is anyway.

Going back in time with this one but it's been ages since I'd written anything so I had to start somewhere. I just hope that there's going to be plenty of new Aaron material to write about in the next few months.

Aaron stared down at the lifeless body beneath him. He could barely comprehend what had just happened. He wiped away the tears that streamed down his face with the sleeves of his hoodie which he had pulled over his hands. Over and over again he whispered "I'm sorry". He hadn't meant for this to happen. Aaron had spent his whole life feeling like an outsider. His family never wanted him, he didn't make friends easily and he didn't know who the hell he was half the time. There were times when he felt that Clyde was the only human being to have the slightest idea what was going on in his head. He knew that sounded pathetic. He was eighteen years old and his best friend was a dog, but that's just how it was. Clyde didn't try to get inside his head and work out what he was thinking. They had an understanding, that was the easiest way to describe it. But now that was gone and he was to blame...again.

Aaron was abruptly pulled from his thoughts by Paddy's strong arm around his shoulder.

_"Jackson, why don't you take Aaron back to the house and I'll clear things up here_" as Paddy spoke Jackson stepped forward from where he had been lurking in the shadows. Aaron stroked Clyde's coat for the last time and Paddy guided him towards the door which led back to the house. He looked briefly at Jackson before trudging past, unsure as to whether his legs would carry him.

Aaron entered the kitchen and walked towards the worktop, placing his hands on the surface in front of him and bowing his head. A few hours earlier he was stood here with Clyde proud of a job well done after his visit to Mickey. Aaron had been a bully in the past and he'd also found himself on the receiving end of bullies so he knew how their minds worked. The only way to deal with a thug like Mickey was to play him at his own game. This feud had turned into more that a row about a dodgy car - it was now a power struggle, one that Aaron was convinced he had won when he saw the fear in Mickey's eyes when he opened the door to see Clyde snarling at him. And yet now it was clear that there was only one winner and he wasn't in Smithy cottage.

Jackson had followed Aaron into the kitchen and stood behind him with his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do for the best. As Aaron exhaled deeply in front of him Jackson reached forward and put a comforting arm on his neck.

_"Do you want a beer or something?" _Jackson knew that this was a feeble effort but for once he couldn't think of anything constructive to say.

Aaron shrugged Jackson's arm away and turned to face him with a look of disgust on his face.

_"NO I DON'T WANT A FLAMIN BEER_" he bellowed before storming upstairs and slamming the door behind him.

Jackson was at a loss to know what to do now. Aaron's moods were legendary. He'd seen first hand how destructive Aaron can be when he feels like he's been backed into a corner and he didn't want to cause anymore trouble tonight by following him upstairs. He went to the fridge and took out a can of beer. He sat himself down and opened the can as he pondered his next move. With every sip he took he was more convinced that he was in the wrong place. Aaron was upset and angry and he needs someone to be there for him tonight, even if he didn't realise it himself.

Getting on his feet Jackson climbed the stairs and opened the bedroom door. The only light in the room was a small lamp in the corner and in the semi darkness Aaron lay curled up in the bed. Only an hour earlier he'd been in the exact same position but the difference then was that there was still hope. Jackson had tried to reassure Aaron about Clyde and reason with him about his behaviour, without any success. But now he didn't know where to start. He walked around the bed and sat on the edge of it so that he was facing Aaron. The teenager's face was swollen from crying and he could see a wet patch on the pillow where his tears had fallen. Nervously he stretched out an arm and placed it on Aaron's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze but as he did this Aaron flinched and tried to pull away from him.

"_Don't please_" were the only words he uttered.

_"Aaron, what's wrong?"_

_"Don't touch me, I don't deserve it"_

_"Deserve what? I don't understand. Please just talk to me"_

Aaron wiped his eyes and half sat up in the bed. He faced Jackson but could barely make eye contact with him as he began to speak.

_"Everyone warned you about me before we got together. I'm trouble, you know that better than anyone. I hurt everyone who gets close to me. I don't mean to but it always happens. I've hurt you, Paddy, me mam and now Clyde. I don't deserve your sympathy because we both know that this only happened because I can't control myself and my stupid temper. I had to be the big man going to Mickey's place with all guns blazing. And look what's happened. I've killed Clyde."_

_"You haven't..."_

_"I have. Don't try to dress it up. Maybe it was Mickey that set his dog on Clyde but I'm the one who started this. I'm bad news. You should get away from me while you still can."_

Jackson didn't know where to start. He'd always known that in spite of all his bluster Aaron was seriously lacking in self esteem but he never thought that he hated himself this much. He took a deep breath and moved into the middle of the bed. Aaron turned his head away as Jackson knelt before him but a hand on either cheek guided him back until they were facing each other and only inches apart.

_" I won't try to kid you Aaron, you've got your faults. But how can you beat yourself up like this? You're a good person..."_

_"No I'm n..."_

_"Shut up Aaron, I'm talking now. You always try to pretend that you don't give a damn about anything and maybe you fool some people but not me. I've seen how much you care about people. What about the way you've looked out for Holly. Or your mum. You've told me loads of times that you'd kill Carl if he ever hurts her again. You've got so much love inside you but you just go about things in the wrong way. And I know you're trying to change, and it's working. You're a different person to the guy that I met in Bar West. You're growing up Aaron and I'm so proud to be your boyfriend because you're amazing. I just wish you'd have a bit more confidence in yourself because you've got so much going for you."_

As he spoke he never took his eyes off Aaron. One hand was still on the mechanic's cheek and the other had slipped down behind his neck. When he saw a hint of a smile he knew that he'd made some sort of a breakthrough so he gently pulled him closer and placed the tenderest of kisses on Aaron's mouth before they threw their arms around one another and hugged each other tightly. After a few moments Aaron lifted his head off Jackson's shoulder and kissed his cheek first, before moving to his lips. Aaron's kisses were frantic and his tongue quickly forced it's way into Jackson's mouth. As they kissed his hands began to travel down along Jackson's shirt, grabbing it roughly and pulling it upwards. This sudden change in Aaron alarmed Jackson and he pulled away.

_"Aaron stop, we can't, not tonight."_

_"Please Jackson. I need you tonight more than I've ever needed you before. I want to be with you. Please don't say no to me." _Aaron looked utterly exhausted and his eyes were bloodshot from crying but Jackson couldn't deny the desire that he saw in them.

_"Only if you're sure."_

_"I am. I swear to you this is what I want."_

Jackson didn't object again. This was what Aaron needed. He was what Aaron needed. This wasn't sex, it was making love. As they disgarded their clothes and wrapped their naked bodies around each other they felt like they were the only people in the world. They moved together as one in mind and body. Frantic moans of pleasure were all that broke the silence in the house as they brought each other to an ecstatic climax before lying together, exhausted from their exertions.

Aaron retrieved a blanket from the ground and pulled it over them before resting his head on Jackson's chest. Within minutes it became obvious from Jackson's heavy breathing that he'd fallen asleep. Aaron wasn't expecting to get much shut eye that night. Too much had happened and his head was a mess. He was still in turmoil about Clyde. This WAS his fault and no pep talk was going to convince him otherwise. He'd have to live with that for the rest of his life. It'd be yet another mistake to be added to a long list of regrets. But what had just happened with Jackson almost made this disaster of a day worthwhile. He'd never felt this close to anyone. He hadn't wanted this to happen but his feelings kind of crept up on him. He'd never told anyone that he loved them, even his mum...well especially not his mum. How could he say it? Should he just blurt it out? Should he wait and see if Jackson said it first and then say it back to him. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. Why the hell would Jackson love someone as screwed up as him? What made him worthy of having someone as amazing as Jackson? Opening his eyes again he looked at the man sleeping beside him. He was here by choice. He chose Aaron. Could he really be in love with him? Aaron edged over towards Jackson and put an arm across his stomach. Tonight wasn't the night to try to make sense of this tangled mess of feelings. It was a time to think of what he'd done, what he'd lost and most importantly what he had. Maybe some day he'd have the courage to say those 3 little words. It couldn't be that hard could it?

The End


End file.
